I Can't Quit You Baby (but I gotta put you down for a while)

    I wake up at 6:00 Monday morning and don't even think about smoking. Still high from the night before, I stumble about the livingroom and collapse into the sofa, pick up The Two Towers and wait for the letters to sit still before my groggy eyes, crusted with stoned sleep and dreams I can't recall.

    7:00 I absently scrape my little metal tool in the empty container and realize if I can get it all together there's one more dab of rosin left in here!

    Now I'm high but I'll soon come down and gotta go to work...and the dispensary doesn't open till 9. Oh wouldn't it be nice to just come down to Earth, re-enter the real world and just take a break for a while.

    But Nietzsche says there is no 'real world' 

    It's just a lie, an unattainable (and ultimately useless) ideal to slander life. In some ways, getting high becomes that ideal, that 'real world' for the compulsive stoner, thinking things would all make sense if I just got high, modifying Plato's equation to stoned = good = true = beautiful.

    But what is truth? We go to college to acquire knowledge...my oldest son is starting classes this weekend! He's the one that needs to do the studying, but I gotta get my own head cleared right now...a new year, a new beginning...I never went away to college, just commuted to State University and never graduated...I had to get a job at 21 to pay for diapers and dimebags; before that, when I was his age I'd just fuck around most of the time. I was always reading and writing and growing internally but I wasn't taking care of myself or focusing on my physical health and finances. Sometimes I wish I had never smoked weed in highschool and gotten hooked; but honestly ganja opened me to myself and I never would have expressed myself or met the people I did, including my wife, if I had just kept off the grass and on the straight and narrow. Back then, however, the people and places you got herb from were kinda sketchy and many darker things were on the market as well. I am glad we have legal cannabis now at authorized dispensaries and you can fine-tune what you're looking for as far as strain, strength, effects etcetera. Even beyond the favorable comparison with alcohol, look at all the prescription drugs people are taking nowadays. If anything good comes out of Trump's nomination of RFK Jr. I really do hope we can get this great nation on track to legalization of marijuana and mushrooms and divestment from the pharmaceutical industry. 

    Today is Wednesday...I ended up getting a couple Pinot Noir pre-rolls on Monday and they were great; didn't smoke or vape or anything yesterday. No withdrawal symptoms means I really haven't been overdoing it since last time I got it out of my system two months ago. This is progress. This is what we want. Whether I cave tomorrow and grab a cheap half-ounce, and make it last a while, or really 'weed' cannabis out of my daily life and just hit some live rosin out of my new Puffco Proxy for a vape session every now and then, I am done with this infantile relationship of dependency and indulgence. I'll never smoke a joint in one sitting again...

    Oh, Green Goddess, forgive me! What am I saying? Take me back and I'll never let you go; I'll suck on your teat till the roach burns my lips and wear the blisters forever as a badge of honor and pride. When does the dispensary open?

    And then there was one: coffee, my last addiction. Will I ever give you up? You taste so good in the morning---ahh! (would be even better paired w/ a bowl of OG Kush) waking me up, energized, ready for work---yet dig, for some of us a little weed in the morning actually improves motivation and focus.

    Having oatmeal now, trying to eat healthy. When I blaze a ton of indica I end up gorging myself at night on chips, cookies, anything my wife bakes, and random leftover food. Eating healthy and having a better sleep schedule are two of my primary reasons for wanting to take a break. Chronic use for most of us precludes dream recollection for months at a time...when I stop smoking, after a few days usually (hasn't happened yet) I start recalling dreams vividly and can write them down in detail...writing down your dreams is good practice for creative writing. As Wagner said, all poetry is but dream-interpretation. Writing this now is good for me too; helping to deal with the process of saying goodbye for a while, although I'm really not having any withdrawal symptoms or anxiety. I'd also like to be able to stay up watching a movie and not fall asleep on the couch at 9. More family time. More time to write. Better attention for reading and other tasks. It's a good time of year to slow down. Although nothing's finer than a stoned day at home with the heat on, frosted windows peaking out at pretty snowpiles from the comfort of my couchlock.

THC you later...

(just not today)

I Can't Quit You: Part Two